Final chapter

I thought it would be fun to write the final chapter to this 100 day challenge and give a recap of what this challenge has meant to me.
I feel like a different person, one who is stronger and happier. It really isn't all about the numbers--I am still the tortoise in the race, but my race isn't over yet. I am really happy that I have lost 10 pounds and can wear a size 8-10. It has been fun to see reaction of others--many think I weigh alot less than I do (muscle weighs more than fat). I still have my "jowls of life" and Relief Society arms but they are getting firmer. After all my fat still has some of their squatters rights but they are being rezoned.
I still have multiple personalities and OCD but they all know what a good portion size is now.
I am still taking baby steps and hitting speed bumps but balance and endurance have increased to handle the little set backs.
Because I am Swiss I have always said that I have cheese and chocolate running through my veins (that may be the cause of my high cholesterol). But both cheese and chocolate can be shaped and molded and this challenge has helped me do just that, my body is not the same as it was when I started.
I am now the sponge who is leaking information to others as they ask what I have been doing. Hopefully I can encourage others to do their own 100 day challenge. I know I am looking forward to the sequel----the next 100 days.

Going from I think I can to I know I can

As the 100 days are winding down I thought I would share some the the things that I can do as opposed to some of the things I never thought I could do.
I can now blog (and for someone who is not computer literate, that is a big deal).
I can now work with weights and weight machines (I still don't know the proper names of them, but that's ok, they will always be referred to as torture machines that can mold and sculpt the body into better shape).
I can now breath when on the treadmill (this has been one of my hardest things to do).
I can run/walk a 5K (this is still a goal to be able to run the full 5k without walking or dying).
I now have a different mind set when it comes to numbers in my weight and clothes size. (It's doesn't matter what the scale says when you know you are healthy.)
I am becoming an intuitive eater and find that I like more vegetables than first thought.
I can now wear my daughters hand me down clothes (this has been really fun for me as they have way more style than I will ever have).
I can cook healthy meals that taste good and not feel like I am missing anything. I can even have dessert!
I can go shopping and buy clothes in the regular section of the store and have them fit.
I can and have made some every good friends through these last 95 days. I too would like to keep in touch, as all of you have been an inspiration to me.

Ducks in a Row

When things are out of whack in my life I use a saying that my "ducks are not in a row". Which means that the order in my life is out of sync. When my "ducks are in a row" everything in my life seems to flow smoothly. So to be so close to the end of this challenge and find my "ducks not in a row" is unsettling. Now we all have our ducks, some of mine are: stress, time management, yard work, house work, demands of kids and grandkids, Church callings, husbands, finances, making big decisions, being tired...and the list goes on.
When my "ducks " get out of control and seem to want to take over my orderly routine is when life seems to fall apart or as some say hit the wall. This doesn't happen very often, most of the time only one duck strays and it is very easy to put it back in line, the trouble comes when there is a major rebellion and all ducks scatter.
I am hoping to tame the ducks and put them back in line before the end of this challenge. After all in order to continue this challenge after next week it is going to take some major duck taming techniques, which I have been learning through these last 100 days.

Not always as it seems

I have been watching the Biggest Loser for a couple of years now and always had a favorite that I thought should win. I was so disappointed last night with the weigh ins. I have decided that it is more important to be healthy than be thin. The winners just didn't look good to me, they looked emaciated where others looked healthy. The numbers aren't everything and everyone who applied themselves at the Biggest Loser Ranch was a winner in my book.
I am so glad for this challenge and know that all of us are winners. It's not about how much we have lost but rather how much we have gained. I know I am not where I want to be for the rest of my life, but I am so much closer than I have been in the last 25 years and I now have the knowledge to continue until I reach "my personal happy weight (and it is not my unrealistic High School weight)". So here's to the next 100 days and what they will bring.

Looking at things differently

Today I was able to run the 5K "Race for the Cure" with Cressent. What a wonderful experience! There were so many people there and such a feeling of love and support. My husband also ran the race and since he had his knee scoped in March I could beat him. On the way home from the race I knew this was something we could do together, with me pushing him now and when he recovers I know he will be pushing me to do better (we were both just hoping to finish).
There is so much to be grateful for and being in this challenge is right up there on my list. I have learned more and done more than I ever thought that I could. I am taking each day and enjoying the journey that it brings and if I can help anyone else along the way so much the better. There have been so many good examples in this group of women (as well as trainers and Traci), we are not just enduring to the end of this challenge because this is not the end of the journey.
I am no longer called the "Walking Nazi" by my walking group, I am now the "Running Nazi" (I think they like it when I am not there so they can just walk). I still do the walk/run but the running is improving and I was able to run most of the 5K and still breath.

Endorphins

I have found something even more addicting than food. It's endorphins. I love the feeling of exercising and replacing the stress of the world with the endorphins that come thru exercising. Wednesday I had a hard time getting going, there were things that needed to get done and not enough time to do them in (this is getting to be a normal occurrence for me). But as I started to do the elliptical all the stress seemed to melt away, I call it going to my happy place where time stands still and I can think and organize what needs to be done. So after exercising my day is all lined up in my head and seems to flow better. I also find that my body craves the endorphins and they are so much better for me than sweets. I still enjoy the sweets but do not crave them anymore. This is a big step for me and personally I think endorphins should be added to the four basic food groups.

Living in the Present

I have finally come to the conclusion that "The Glory Days" are gone forever. My "Glory Days" were when I weighed 110 without trying, never thought about what I was eating, never exercised on a regular basis or even thought about it and bought clothes because they were cute never worrying about what size they were because they were all single digits. They are also the days that I would wear a swimsuit out in public without people screaming and running in fear of the big white blubbery monster.
This challenge has taught me that it doesn't matter what my weight is if I am healthy and toned. I do need to worry about what is going in my mouth as the hand to mouth exercise is not on the recommended list (although it is the easiest exercise and can be done with unlimited repetitions). Size does not matter in clothes, however, I still find it challenging to find cute clothes that fit and are age appropriate for me. And wearing a swim suit will not start a panic of some monster attacking the city (after all nobody looks at anyone over 50).
Last week I went shopping with my oldest daughter and it was the first time we were able to wear the same size ever as I have never been below a size 12-14 since she was a teenager (ok, she had a baby in Feb. and is not back to her size 6 yet). The clothes didn't fit us in the same way as she is 4 inches taller than me and 5 pounds lighter, but it was fun to see what looked good on me and to get some constructive criticism about what I should be looking for in clothes. I haven't looked at what was fashionable in years because I never thought I could wear it.
I guess I am almost ready to start phase three of this challenge for me. Phase one was learning how to exercise and use weights (getting rid of the jowls). Phase two was learning how and what to eat. And phase three is learning how to dress this new transformed body that is still transforming hopefully into something permanent. So here's to the new "Glory Days" of being over 50 and fit.

It' finally May!

I am so glad it is May. This week I had a soccer closing social, a college graduation, and two birthdays. At our soccer closing party (we coach U-10 boys) I couldn't believe how many hot dogs some of the boys ate and are still as skinny as sticks. And after going to Logan where my Son graduated from USU on Saturday I was afraid that because I strayed from my regular routine that I will slip up and gain weight, but I was able to exercise (walk/jog around the cemetery) and eat only going over a few calories of my allotment (Monday will tell on the weight gain). This is giving me encouragement that when this challenge is over I will be able to continue with my weight loss and food choices. I know I am the tortoise in this race and things seem to go in slow motion as far as results, but I do see results.
I find it still hard to step outside of my comfort zone, but if I hadn't I wouldn't be in this challenge and I would still be struggling to know what to do to loss weight. Knowledge is power and when I feel that my energizer bunny is running low I just have to review what I have learned and apply it to be revitalized, seeing all of you in the gym and class also helps.

Terms

We have been learning new terms and their definition with this challenge. Some of my favorite are trans fat (something we don't want to eat), BMI (body mass index) which is a number we are trying not to have in the obese category (mine is still there), satisfaction level (being full to a 5-6 on a scale of 10) which is the point at which you no longer eat the whole portion and lick the plate clean, portion size (a smaller portion will equate to a smaller size you can wear), 5K (not to be confused with a 401K) which is a 3.1 mile race you can run or walk, interval training: which is the time it takes to recover (start breathing again), and many more.
Some of the new terms I am now using are: grandma tax : when the grand kids are eating a donut, cookie, or anything that tastes good that has too many calories, I impose a grandma tax on it which is getting one bite and only one bite (and yes I journal the bite), plank: this is an exercise that when doing it you would rather be walking the plank of a pirate ship and jumping into shark infested waters, and 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and your done: these are the sweetest words your trainer can say when exercising.

Time management

I've almost made it through April and the 7 birthdays. Tomorrow my oldest will be 36 and I am having her and her family over for dinner and dessert, thankfully she is a healthy eater. Saturday we did a birthday party for her daughter who turns 11 on May 1st, she wanted to decorate cup cakes and of course wanted me to demonstrate and help. It was alot of fun and I made it out of there without eating a cup cake (unfortunately, the candy that went on the cup cakes for decoration did not fair so well, I still hear the candy calling my name) but only ate a few pieces of candy.
I wasn't able to make the 5K training on Saturday as my husband and I coach another grandsons soccer team and we play at 9 a.m. I did do my own 5K run (walk) in my neighborhood earlier that morning. With everything going on in the family it seems that I need to do better with time management, so that time works for me and not against me.
I know I'm an early morning exerciser (it was fun to see so many of you at the gym on Friday morning) not only because I feel less pain but I know that after 9 a.m. my day is gone with doing all the zillions of things that are required on a daily basis.
I'm hoping that if I keep exercise a top priority it will just be something that gets done every day, just like doing the crossword puzzle and making the bed.

Thrown out of the nest!

I am just realizing that we only have one more month of this challenge and there is so much more I need to learn. I feeling a little like a baby bird who has been nurtured and now is being thrown out of the nest to test its wings and fly (I wonder if Relief Society arms can keep you airborne). But we have had and still have great teachers and time to learn how to transition into the real world, one without trainers, blogs, weigh ins, and counting calories.
Today in class I found it interesting that some of the worst foods when eating out didn't sound like they would be bad, like grilled chicken and salads. I know now why I don't eat out more. When my husband and I do go out to eat we will usually share an appetizer and entree between us, or get one entree and add soup.
I am looking forward to learning how to maintain weight loss, it hopefully will be easier than achieving weight loss. But for now I still need to focus on achieving weight loss (I wish it were as easy as memory loss, yea I forgot, the memory loss keeps me coming back to the gym because I forget how hard it is).

Baby steps

My husband and I went to Logan this weekend to see our son and his family. They have a 10 1/2 month old little boy and we try and get up to see them every few weeks. The last time we saw Jaxtan was the middle of March and he wasn't even rolling over yet, this weekend he was crawling and walking a few steps on his own. I was amazed at the progress he had made in such a short time and was reminded that this challenge is all about baby steps.
Some of the baby steps I've noticed I've been making are:
1. I know what a portion size of most foods is.
2. I can feel when I am full and need to stop eating.
3. I have tried and like some new vegetables.
4. I no longer fear, doing the 5K. Thanks Traci for the training.
5. I can cook normal food and have it look and taste great without added fat.
6. I can continue to use all that I'm learning in this challenge for the rest of my life. It doesn't end after 100 days.
7. I am stronger both physically and mentally than I thought.
8. Only I can do the work that will make me healthy. (Ok, Dylan keeps me honest.)
9. I don't have any more excuses for not being healthy.
Baby steps may not seem very big, but when you can see the progress they are huge.

Common sense

Today in the nutrition class we learned about fad diets and how to avoid them. The only diet that ever tempted me was Weight Watchers and I did it for 3 months about 6 years ago and lost 10 pounds, but after 3 months my common sense told me that I could not continue to count points for the rest of my life. My weight yo-yo ed after that but never went as high as it had been. Last year I decided that in order to truly lose weight it had to be a life style change, and I revamped the way I shopped for food and prepared it. Since then I was also able to lose another 10 pounds but my cholesterol never went down. I am hoping to lose another 10 pounds with this challenge and lower my cholesterol also. This has been harder than I thought it would be. I love the workouts and learning how to use the weights and machines. My endurance has improved and I am hoping to jog most of the 5K at the end of the challenge, but walking is OK too (I have never been a runner).
It has really helped me to learn how to breath when doing weights and I find I am an unconscious breather now. My granddaughter who is 12 asked me what I was doing when I was blow drying her hair (she is taller than me and I was raising my arms up and using a round brush) and I asked her what she meant. She said that I was breathing funny, and sure enough I was exhaling as my arm was coming down.
My common sense tells me that it is better to be an unconscious breather than eater.

Killer Bunnies!

This was not a good week for me, with three birthdays and Easter. I sometimes wonder why all the good things we celebrate center around food. I tried to stay in my calorie allotment and did pretty good until Easter. I had control of the Easter dinner and ate quite reasonably, but after dinner we have a tradition of playing "Killer Bunnies".
Now to play "Killer Bunnies" I have special bunny candy dishes, bunny cheese and cracker dishes, and of course special bunny treats to go in them. I thought if I allowed myself only one treat it would be manageable. So the jelly beans (I didn't buy any chocolate Easter candy) went into the bunny dishes. I was only going to eat the black licorice ones and the red hot ones (those are my favorites), but by the middle of the game everyone was saying have you tried the green ones, the pink ones with the spots, the light yellow ones, etc. they are so good. By the end of the game the jelly beans were screaming "EAT ME" and I did. Well I lost my will power and the game and will try and do better this week.

Snap, crackle, pop!

This has been a challenging week, more to do than time to do it. I have been trying to plan meals and snacks ahead of schedule so I will be prepared, but yesterday did me in. I didn't eat a single vegetable and had ice cream and fruit for dinner ( I still stayed in my calorie allotment). Today will be better.
I am so grateful for my trainer, Dylan. He pushes me when I don't think I can do any more and encourages me to challenge my limitations. I noticed today in the gym when no one else was there that the only sound I could hear was the snap, crackle, pop of my knees as I was riding the bike. And with some of the other exercises that my lower back will pop. I never thought of myself as a musically inclined person, but my joints seem to have a rhythm of their own. If it helps me lose weight-- it will be music to my ears.

CELEBRATION!!!

I have finally lost 5 pounds (I didn't think it would ever happen.) I too have had some goal numbers in my head with this challenge and one of them was to be below 150 by my birthday, which was last week. Well I didn't make my goal (I am finally under 155 barely) but I still went shopping for a new Spring outfit and was able to buy a size 10 for the first time in 30 years. I knew this would be a slow process but I was hoping for a little faster results from all the effort I am putting in (I truly am the tortoise in the race and this speed bump was a mountain to get over).
I have given over half of my wardrobe away at this time with the goal of never being a size 14 again. (I know that doesn't sound like a big size but when you are only 5'3.5" tall it is.) It has been very therapeutic to do this and the clothes I am wearing now are more stylish (when you have your clothes for 15+ years they really start looking dated). I'm down to the clothes I bought when my youngest son got married almost two years ago and I was sure I was going to be able to wear a size 12 (who was I kidding) , so most of my clothes are orange and black which were their wedding colors.
One day my muscles (which I didn't even think existed) may even thank me for this challenge.
My mind is already thanking me, and overcoming the mental part of losing weight is half the challenge and another big speed bump.

Speed bumps!

As I go through the day I usually will hit a few speed bumps along the way that tell me I need to slow down and pay attention to what I'm doing. In this challenge I am also hitting a few of those speed bumps, some I have control over and others I don't.
This last week I had a baby blessing (grandchild #7) and was tempted with 10 homemade desserts. (I only ate a bite of 4 of them.) My birthday which meant going out to lunch with my Mom and sister-in-law. (I love Mimi's Cafe.) General Conference, which at my house always meant having candy to eat. (I think the sugar helps keep me awake, multi grain cheerios aren't quite the same.) But all of these I have had control over.
The speed bumps I don't have control over are the aches and pains in my body.(I officially have muscles in places that have been hidden for years.) The dreaded scale which hasn't been very kind to me. (There will be a major celebration when I have lost 5 pounds.) And the cold weather which makes my arthritis worse. (Many of my joints are close to being bone on bone.)
As I hit these speed bumps I have to remind myself why I wanted to be in this challenge and of a quote I have had since college many years ago. It states, "An obstacle is something you see when you take your eyes off the goal you are trying to reach." My goal is to get healthy and the speed bumps are not obstacles but reminders of why I want to change my life.

Ways to tell your on the Heart Challenge

As I try to internalize all the information about nutrition and exercise in my little brain, I've come up with some ways I'm noticing that I am making progress and thought I'd share them.
1. I put multigrain cheerios in my Easter candy dish instead of jelly beans.
2. I go to bed at 8 p.m. too sore and tired to move knowing that I will wake up at 4:30 a.m. and be at the gym bye 5 a.m. (My husband calls this turning into a pumpkin, I wonder if Jalaine will count that as a vegetable.)
3. I am no longer the fun grandma with cookies and candy as they have been replaced with fruits and vegetables. (Grandkids do not want fruits and vegetables.)
4. I go out wearing sweats or workout clothes and no make-up hoping that Stacy and Clinton are not filming secret footage of me for "What not to Wear."
5. Friends and family are starting to bring over cookies and treats as they are sure I am starving because my clothes are fitting better.
6. I have a smile on my face because I was one of the lucky 15 to be chosen for this challenge.

No guarantees!

I don't know what it is about our group but we seem to have had our share of death. A very good friend of mine died suddenly on Wednesday night from a brain aneurysm, she was only 48. This was a shock to me and got me thinking of what is really important in my life.
This challenge has been the first thing that I have done for myself in years. I have always put others before me and my needs, and with all my kids out of the house I thought this would be the best time for me to do something I've needed to do for years. Get into better shape and health.
Although I know that what I'm doing is helping me (I couldn't do it alone) I also realize that I need to work on the inner me. There are no guarantees in this life and each new day is a blessing. I'm hoping to use my blessings to be a better person and example to others.

Type A personality.

I have always been a competitive person, but I think I challenge myself more than feel the challenge from others. And as I have gotten older I find I am not only competitive but also OCD. Now I'm not sure that is a good combination but it keeps my house clean and de-cluttered and me going to the gym or working out 6 days a week.
I love to rearrange the furniture in my house to give it a new look, my husband never knows what to expect when he comes home. I also love the way I feel after exercising and am hoping for the new body that is somewhere inside of this one to come out or at least be rearranged into a new look.
Today in our nutrition class we discussed places we eat. I didn't think I had any really bad habits until I was talking on the phone and started looking for something to eat. I truly am an unconscious eater. It's nice to be aware of these triggers so that I can make better choices (I only ate 11 almonds).
I am finding out things about myself through this challenge that I hope will make a difference in my health . I know I am already a winner in what I have learned and in meeting and getting to know the others in this challenge.

It's all about the numbers!

I have worked with numbers all my life. Math and accounting were my favorite subjects in school and crunching numbers is very relaxing to me (I love to balance a checkbook, budget, do taxes etc.). And as a number cruncher I have also been tracking my weight for the past four years trying to get to that magical number I thought would be in balance with everything else. In looking over the past few years I've noticed that I have never been able to take off weight in the Spring. Part of that could be poor planning I've decided, you shouldn't have 3/4 of you family born within a six week time frame.
We have seven birthdays between March 22 and May 1, which means seven birthday dinners and cakes with ice cream. And when you throw in Easter, graduations and baby blessing that is a lot of food. Last night as we started the birthday dinners (my husband wanted Volcanoes and a Oreo ice cream cake) I found myself going over my calories for the day.
My goal is to lose weight this Spring and get to that magical number to feel balance in my life. I'm hoping that all of the information on nutrition is going to help keep me in balance. I'll keep you posted as every week there is going to be a new challenge.

Like a sponge.

I feel like a sponge trying to soak up a reservoir of information, and not being able to keep it all in. I love learning new ways to use my muscles (which I sometimes feel are playing hide and seek as I call "come out, come out, wherever you are.") and make better food choices.
I found it interesting in our nutrition class that we all could cite examples of people we knew with the different eating characteristics, but I didn't hear very many of us saying that this is me and this is what I do. It seems that with me it is easier to see in others what I don't want to see in myself. It's easier to give the compliments than receive them.
As the sponge who has been soaking up information for many years (some good some not so good) I need to give it a squeeze and let the not so good stuff go, especially the things that aren't revalent any more as to my body image.
I've noticed more self confidence showing in all of us, as we all find our better and happier self.

Purge!

Spring is here (maybe) and it is the time of year that I like to go thru things and purge anything that is not needed. I went thru my closet today and eliminated anything that just didn't look good or fit right---what a great feeling it is to give things away that are too big for me now.
Of course with the purge, I also went shopping with one of my daughters. She had a new baby 6 weeks ago and needed clothes for the inbetween (she still weighs less than me) so we DI shop for pants and tops. We found some great deals, I even found some capri workout pants.
I feel like the tortoise in the race with the hare as everyone is losing alot more weight than me, but I am slow and steady. After all my fat has been with me longer than some of you have been alive and I'm afraid it feels like it has squatters rights.

Just keep breathing!

This has been a stressful week. It seemed like everyone wanted a piece of me and I was left feeling like swiss cheese. I haven't had alot of success with the weight loss or with noticeable muscle gain, but again it is 100 day challenge and a life time of change.
My husband and I coach a U10 boys soccer team (our grandson plays) for Orem Rec. and we started practices this week. I wish I had the energy of these 10 year old boys, but I was able to keep up with them more.
I also realized that I needed to add more to my cardio workout to see results. When I'm on the treadmill I just have to remind myself to "Just keep breathing!" I am doing more than I thought I could and being able to exercise longer.
I am starting to see results in all the participants as they come to the gym and in class. This truly is a life changing journey.

Body image

The nutrition class today was interesting and eye opening for me. I never thought about my body image growing up (I have four brothers) or what size I should be or was, so when Jalaine asked us to write what our dream weight, happy weight, reasonable healthy weight, and our current weight were I was surprised to find the difference between my dream weight and current weight was over 20 lbs. But even more surprising was that the difference between my reasonable healthy weight and current weight is 12 lbs---I can do 12 lbs.
I'm not sure what I will do this summer when it's hot and I don't have my Relief Society arms to fan me off however.

Jowls

It has been interesting to see my friends reaction to this challenge. My walking group will ask me how my weight loss is going and when I don't have any or very little they are surprised. They did make a comment that my face was looking thinner, so apparently I have had jowls in more places than I originally thought.
My husband just got back from a 10 day trip to England for work and I thought for sure he would notice a difference in me. He didn't! He, however, had not exercised (except walking to different places) and ate out all the time and lost 2 pounds in the 10 days. IT ISN'T FAIR THAT MEN CAN LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT TRYING!

I finished reading the "Intuitive Eating" book and hadn't realized how many dieting personalities I've had over the years. That may be why I was eating more than needed--I was feeding at least 3 personalities at any give time. Hopefully at the end of this challenge I will only have one--the intuitive eater. In the nutrition class this week we talked about altering recipes. I have found that I can double a cookie recipe but only put in half the fat without changing the way the cookies come out. I am now experimenting with decreasing the sugars by 1/4 and seeing what that does. Cake mixes also only need 1 TBLS. of oil instead of 1/3 cup. I love to bake but can't add applesauce to baked goods because my husband is allergic to apples. I also like tracking my calories on mypyramid.gov. I know it's not 100% accurate but it gives me a ball park figure to aim for.

Introduction

After reading the other blogs I decided I should introduce myself to everyone. I am 56 and the mother of 4 (2 girls and 2 boys) and the grandma or gma to 7 beautiful grandchildren ages 13 to 1 month. I am a stay at home grandma who is always on call. I also sew for one of my daughters company. I grew up in Salt Lake and never had a weight issue until after having children. I now have what I call the jowls of life that I am hoping to get rid of. I started changing my eating a year ago as an empty nester and found cooking for two was easier and fun. I have been walking for years with a group of ladies but never was able to take off any weight (I'm 50 pounds heavier than when I was 30 years old). So I started adding a little jog to the walk, I am now called the walking Nazi by my group. I love the energy I get from exercising, but because some of my joint are going bone on bone I find I can't do everything I want to do. The things I've learned so far have been so helpful and I find I want to learn more. I have talked the talk of eating right and exercising for years, I want to be able to walk the walk too.
My neighbor did the program last year with amazing results. I wanted to do this challenge because like most of the participants I have high cholesterol (the only one in my family) and a family history of diabetes and heart diseased. My father had a heart attack and stroke at 58 and died of cancer at 64. My oldest brother was diagnosed with diabetes last year at the age of 59. I really want to be around to enjoy my children and grandchildren.

100-day challenge week three

So far this has been an amazing experience. I haven't had any weight loss yet, but I know I am getting stronger. It has been so helpful for me to have exercises that fit my limits (I have RA) and have someone to show me how to do them when I forget. Counting calories is probably the hardest for me to figure out and of course adding more vegetables to my diet.